


will you still love me when i'm no longer...

by 1FantasticBeastThatYouCantFind



Category: Charlie's Angels (2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Non-Binary Sabina, Nonbinary Character, Other, Poly Angels, Polyamory, bosley is team mom, jane and elena love sabina just so much, sabina just wants to be loved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-11
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25880797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1FantasticBeastThatYouCantFind/pseuds/1FantasticBeastThatYouCantFind
Summary: Sabina Wilson has a moment of self-realization. The question is... Will Jane and Elena take it well?or Sabina is non-binary and they're afraid to come out to their girlfirends.
Relationships: Elena Houghlin/Jane Kano, Elena Houghlin/Jane Kano/Sabina Wilson, Elena Houghlin/Sabina Wilson, Jane Kano/Sabina Wilson
Comments: 5
Kudos: 82





	will you still love me when i'm no longer...

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at writing an nb character so please let me know what I can do to improve. I'm also going through some questioning of my own, in terms of whether or not i'm nb so Sabina's past is loosely inspired by what I'm currently going through. Also Sabina's pronouns are She/They. But I'm gonna use "they" throughout. Idk if switching back and forth is a good idea since, again, this is my first time
> 
> **COMMENTS AND FEEDBACK ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! I LOVE ALL FEEDBACK ESPECIALLY CUZ I TAKE SO LONG TO WRITE**

Sabina had been meeting with Saint a lot lately. At first, Jane and Elena didn't think this was too out of the ordinary. Their last mission was pretty exhausting. For all they knew, she just need some time afterwards. However, that doesn't mean they were just gonna brush this aside. They loved Sabina and they were worried about her. They tried to talk to her, comfort her, and ask her what was going on. But to their surprise, Sabina was ignoring them. After a while, it seemed like Sabina was spending more time with Saint than she did with Jane and Elena. It wasn't like she could avoid them. They all lived together. But it was clear that there was now some distance between them. They just didn't know why.

But there was in fact a reason why. Sabina had a recent moment of self-discovery. Sabina Wilson was non-binary. This was something they had struggled with for years. They never felt like they fit in with everyone else and their perceptions of how certain people should be and behave. It took them a while to figure out what exactly was going on with them. When they were younger, they were always thinking "Am I actually non-binary? Or do I just not fit in?" Things didn't get much easier when they joined Townsend, as one of the major qualifications for joining was that you had to be a woman.

But then she met Jane and Elena. When they all got together, the two of them did something that to Sabina that they didn't think possible. Elena and Jane made them feel safe. Comfortable, even. For the longest time, they were overthinking about what would their parents think or what the agency would think. But around Elena and Jane, they felt protected. So their questioning wasn't constantly fought by the idea that they might be abandoned by those they trust. So their thought process was at a much steadier flow. Granted, they had to turn to Saint for help. So one day, it hit them. Sabina was non-binary.

But before they could tell the two people they loved the most, suddenly, all those fears came back. What if their girlfriends did end up rejecting them? And so, instead of coming out, Sabina continued the distance.

Sabina was alone in the Townsend gym one day, taking out all their problems on some poor punching bag. Being a trained spy, they could tell when someone entered the room without even turning their head or hearing someone enter. They ceased their battle against the punching bag and turned to see who else but Bosley standing before them, wearing sunglasses indoors for reasons Sabina didn't know and would never understand.

"What's up, Bos?"

Bosley threw off her sunglasses in a theatrical matter that made Sabina roll their eyes. "I was just wondering if you wanted to give the poor guy a break", she said, pointing at the punching back.

"This guy"? They gestured at the bag. "No way", they joked. "Not after all the shit he was talking. You should've heard this guy."

"Let me guess. Did he say something along the lines of 'you should talk to your teammates who are also your girlfriends because they're really worried about you and how distant you've become'?"

Sabina momentarily froze upon hearing what Bosley had to say. The punching bag was still swinging mildly until Sabina caught it. They didn't let go, though. Instead, they kept their grip on it and faced the other direction, so they didn't have to face Bosley. Their breathing grew heavier slower. They had avoided talking to Jane and Elena because they were afraid of letting them down or disappointing. And they were so caught up in their anxieties, that they didn't even think about how they would be feeling about her never being around anymore.

"Did they ask you to come talk to me?"

"No, but they might as well have"

"Okay."

There was silence for a bit. Sabina didn't know what to say. They may have been able to tell if someone entered the room without looking but even they couldn't tell what Bosley was thinking.

"Okay?" Now she could. "That's all you have to say is 'okay'", she asked, slightly heated. "Sabina, they are so upset about this whole situation. If you could just give them some sort of explanation, then-"

"I can't", Sabina interrupted. "Not yet."

"You can't even tell them a little white lie?"

"I could never lie to them"

Bosley scoffed. "Oh, but you can just ghost them for the past few weeks? And I have to deal with them? And I have to tell them every day that everything is going to be fine when I have no idea what's going to happen because you're always hiding from them?"

There was more silence. Bosley just stood there, angrily tapping her foot. Sabina continued to look away from her. She let go of the punching bag and put their hands in their pockets.

"Hey, Bos", Sabina began. "Can I ask you something?"

Bosley slightly cooled off. Just a bit. She still wasn't very happy but she was intrigued. This was not where she expected things to go. "What is it?"

Sabina sighed. "I should've asked this a long time ago but... If you're not a woman- and I don't mean if you're a man- if you have a different gender identity, is that a cause for firing?"

Bosley was confused but still intrigued. "Oh, of course not. You know Charlie. They're a huge ally. Townsend is very supportive of other gender identities"

Sabina slightly perked up. "Really?"

"Definitely. Actually, fun fact, we actively seek out gender-fluid people to be potential agents. Because they're masters of disguise."

That was enough to get a chuckle out of Sabina. That was the best most emotion they'd shown in a long time.

"But what does that have to do with anyth-" Bosley stopped before she could finish the sentence. Because that was when it dawned on her. "Oh."

Sabina turned around and nodded. Bosley saw a fear tear tracks streaming down their face. "Oh, honey" She went up to Sabina and gave her the biggest hug. "Is that what all this has been about"

"Mm-hmmm", Sabina muffled. 

"Oh, Sabina", Bosley started, while stroking the back of their hair. "We'd never get rid of you. Especially over that."

"It's not just that", Sabina's voice cracked. "Jane and Elena. What if... What if they..." They couldn't bring themself to finish the question.

Bosley separated herself from Sabina and looked her straight in the eyes. "Don't think like that, okay? Jane and Elena love you, no matter what. Like, head over heels. They adore you! You tell them the truth and they will squeeze you until your bones pop"

Again, Bosley manage to get a small laugh out of Sabina. It was brief, however, as their face fell again. "But I'm not ready to tell them. Not yet."

Bosley sighed. "Well, that's okay."

"No, I mean... I'm not ready now. I think I will be. One day. Just not now"

Bosley nodded in understanding. "Well, when you are ready, let me know. I'm going to have to let Charlie know your pronouns"

"She/They", said Sabina. "Either one's fine but it be nice to be actually be referred to as "they"

"Noted", said Bosley. "One last thing. I'm not gonna force you to tell the girls. But you have to tell them something."

Sabina tucked their hair behind their ears. "I don't know if I should"

Bosley let another, this time exasperated, sigh. "Look. That's really considerate of you to want to do that. But they are not handling this well. Jane's suffering in silence right now and Elena's coming up with all these bizarre theories about what's going on with you"

Sabina hated how intrigued they felt upon hearing those words. "What kind of theories?"

"She thinks you secretly have a disease and you're not telling them"

Sabina tried to stop themself but they couldn't help but laugh. Bosley joined in too. They both felt incredibly guilty for doing so but they laughed anyway. Sabina wiped away a tear, this time from the laughter. "Okay. I'll talk to them. I'll promise"

Sabina may have promised Bosley that they would tell the girls but it wasn't exactly an easy task. For one, when they got back to their apartment, Jane and Elena were nowhere to be found. They had no idea where the two of them could be. After all, Sabina had been incredibly distant from the pair, recently. They went over to their bed, which was obviously empty. They threw themself onto the bed, disgruntled. Alone, they buried their face in a pillow and screamed at the top of their lungs. They removed their face from the pillow, pulled out their phone, and prepared to call Elena.

But they couldn't.

What if Elena didn't want to hear them out? What if she was angry at Sabina. What if she and Jane wanted nothing to do with them anymore? What if the two of them felt betrayed? They dropped the phone onto the bed, buried her faced into the pillow, and bust into tears.

They cried for about ten minutes when they felt someone tap them on their shoulder. At first, they thought it was their mind playing tricks on them. Then, they felt it again and they thought it was a weird ache. And then they felt it again, accompanied by a soft, worried voice. "Sabina?"

They looked up and sniffled. They couldn't see who it was because their eyes were still adjusting. But they recognized the voice. That beautiful voice. "Elena?", they moaned.

Their eyes finally cleared up and there she was, looking down at them. "Sabina, are you okay?"

Sabina, without even thinking, lept up, threw herself around Elena and began crying into her shoulder. 

Elena, after the initial shock of Sabina leaping into her arms, immediately began comforting Sabina and started rubbing their back. 

"Elena", Sabina sobbed. "I'm so so so sorry. I shouldn't have avoided you guys"

"Hey", she said, in a hushed voice. "It's okay. I'm not mad."

"But- But I-" Sabina wanted to say something about how wrong they were to completely ignore their girlfriends. But they couldn't bring themself to say anything. Instead, they just kept crying. Elena didn't mind her sleeve was now soaking wet. She just wanted to focus on Sabina.

After another few minutes, Sabina finally managed to compose themself. They picked their head up, rubbed their eyes, and tried their best to form a weak smile. "Hi, Elena", they said, too scared to say anything else.

Elena, after spending a good while being worried for her girlfriend, tired and failed to stifle a laugh. As she began to laugh, Sabina laughed two. For one brief moment, it seemed like there were no problems. Everything was okay. And then the laughter stopped and Sabina's face fell. They released themself from Elena's grasp, but Elena reached out and took them by the hand.

"Sabina, what's wrong"

Sabina gulped, partially out of fear and partially because they crying for so long. They told Bos that they weren't ready. But was that also a lie? The more they pushed Elena away... The more they pushed Jane away... Eventually, they would be gone. And they would lose them. And the thing was... They actually trusted their girlfriends. I mean, of course they would. They're spies. They're on a team together. They had to trust each other. But after spending so much time with each other, they all knew that they could trust each other with anything. They loved each other. The only thing really holding Sabina back from coming out to them was fear. They were so afraid of rejection that they forgot how much they trusted them. And Sabina was starting to break their trust.

Sabina was done. The fear of losing Jane and Elena's trust was greater than the fear of rejection.

"Elena", they began. "There's something I have to tell you"

Elena didn't even let Sabina finish before her eyes began bulging out of her skull as she started to panic. "Oh, god! I knew it! You're dying, aren't you? How long do you have left?"

Sabina was taken aback by this. A part of them thought that Bosley was kidding when she mentioned Elena's theory but she obviously wasn't. "No... Elena... That's not-"

Elena couldn't hear Sabina over the sound of her heavy and fearful breathing. "Sabina, however long it is, I promise you that Jane and I will spend every second of it with you! Do you have a bucket list? We can do everything on that bucket list together! Anything at all, you name it!"

Sabina was finally able to calm Elena enough to actually breathe. "Elena", Sabina began, "There's actually one item on my bucket list that I would very much like to do. Right now, in fact."

Elena, shaking, nodded along. "What is it?"

"It would be to tell Elena what's REALLY happening with me because, as far as I know, I am very much not dying."

Elena turned red and awkwardly tried to avoid eye contact with Sabina. "Oh... Well... Can we never talk about what just happened? Like, ever again? Please?"

"I promise", Sabina chuckled.

"Great", Elena sighed. "So... What's really going on"

Elena locked eyes with Sabina and stared intently. Sabina took a deep breath. "This is something I have to tell you. Something that I've been too afraid to let you or Jane find out about. It's taken me a while but I'm ready to say it. I just hope you don't think any less of me when I tell you."

Elena nodded again. Sabina took another breath.

"Here it goes... Right now, you see me as a woman. But the truth is... I'm not. I'm not a woman. And I'm not a man either. I don't feel like either one of them and I don't feel comfortable fitting into those boxes."

It took Elena a few seconds to realize what Sabina was trying to say. But Sabina could tell the exact moment Elena figured it out. "So what you're saying is..."

"I'm non-binary", Sabina finished for her.

Elena was silent for two seconds. To Sabina, it was the longest two seconds of her life, as they impatiently waited for some sort of response.

"So", Elena finally spoke. "What do you want me to call you?"

Sabina was so afraid of a poor response that they forgot to expect a completely reasons able reaction. "What", they asked, just to make sure they did in fact hear Elena right.

"I mean, do you still want us to call you 'Sabina'? Is there another name you have in mind? What you I call you?"

Sabina let out a sigh of relief, that felt more like she was gasping for air when rising out of the ocean. "'Sabina' is fine for now, yeah. Honestly, I haven't had much time to think abou- So, wait. You're fine with this?"

"What do you mean 'fine with it'", asked a perplexed Elena. "Did you think that this would upset me or something?" Sabina stayed silent and clutched their other arm, nervously. "Oh, Sabina... Is that why you've been ignoring us?"

Sabina cleared their throat like they were about to say something but instead, they simply nodded.

Elena delicately moved herself closer to Sabina and hugged them again. Sabina remained silent but she was relishing the warmth of their girlfriend.

"Sabina", Elena said in a comforting tone while stroking Sabina's hair. "I love you, no matter what. Of course I'm still gonna love you if you're an enby. That's just... who you are. And I absolutely love who you are."

Sabina sniffled but didn't cry. "You mean it?"

"Of course I do!", Elena exclaimed, softly. "If Jane were here, she would say the exact same thing"

"She's right", came a third voice.

Sabina and Elena turned their heads and saw Jane standing in the doorway. Her expression was hard to read, however. She wasn't upset. She wasn't angry. She opened her mouth to say something but was stopped when Sabina immediately hopped off the bed, ran to Jane, and squeezed her tight, even if Sabina's head was only as tall as Jane's chest.

"Jane, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have-"

Sabina's quick apology was cut short by Jane's shushing. "Sabina, listen to me. I'm not mad."

Sabina looked up at her. "You're not?"

Jane shook her head. She took one of her hands of Sabina and gestured for Elena to join them. Elena went over to the two of them and sandwiched Sabina in a hug.

"Well, I'm still sorry", said Sabina.

Jane sighed. "Well, thank you for apologizing."

Sabina rested their head on Jane's chest, squeezed her tight with one arm, and moved her other arm so they could grasp Elena's hand. The three of them stayed in that position for a while before Jane sat Sabina down on the bed and gripped their hand.

"Sabina", Elena started. "Jane and I need to ask you a few questions"

"I'm not dying", Sabina joked, trying to improve the situation.

The joke caused Jane and laugh almost hysterically and Elena to roll her eyes. "I'm sorry for being concerned", Elena remarked, annoyed but failing to hide her amusement at Sabina.

When Jane finally managed to calm herself down, she forced her smile away because she was dreading what she was about to ask. "Sabina, did Elena and I do anything to make you think that we wouldn't accept you?"

It took a moment for Sabina to process the question. To really take in the fact that Jane and Elena would really blame themselves. "What? No! You guys didn't do anything wrong! It's just-"

She stopped themself and took a breath, clearly preparing to unload a lot of information of the two. "Take your time", Elena advised.

Sabina sighed. "You guys know about my parents and what happened there. I've been... hurt before. Rejected by people I loved. People I thought I could trust. I really thought I could tell you but when the time came, it all came back to me. I couldn't be hurt. Not again."A single tear trickled down their face but they managed to wipe it away. "But I ended up hurting you guys instead. And I know you keep saying it's okay or that you're not mad but for a while there, I didn't trust you and that was horrible of me" They took another deep exhale and nodded to try and signify that they were finished.

Jane was the first to speak after Elena gave her a look. "Well, first off. Thank you for apologizing... for ghosting us. We forgive you for that. But that part about not telling us..."

Elena placed her other hand on Sabina's shoulder. "Sabina, you should never apologize for not coming out. That's something that should only happen when you know you're ready to. And you just weren't ready to tell us."

"And we're always going to love you, Flopsy. No matter what your identity is." Sabina grinned in turned red at the sound of Jane using her pet name for them.

"Thanks, you two", said Sabina. "I love you."

"We love you, too", said Jane.

"What she said", said Elena.

Sabina giggled and stared admirably at their girlfriends. They wrapped their arms around Jane and Elena and held them tight and they lovingly returned it. "I mean it", they said with their head in between the two of them. "I love you two so much and I'm never letting you two out of my sight ever again."

"Sabina, we're going to have to let go eventually", said Jane, who was seriously considering not letting go eventually.

"Yeah, but that'll be a while from now", said Sabina.

"So what do we do then", asked Elena. "We've got a lot of lost time to make up for."

"I liked your bucket list idea, actually."

"Really?"

"I don't see why not. Whaddya say, Jane?"

"As long as I'm with you two", Jane responded, softly but enthusiastic.

Sabina began to laugh again. "What is it", asked Elena.

Sabina finally let go of the two and pulled away from the hug. "You thought I had a disease", Sabina teased.

Elena frowned while Jane joined in on the laughter. "Well, excuse me for caring!"


End file.
